I am afraid of fear.

If you ask a group of people what is their biggest fear you will get different answers. Ask enough people and you will start to see some common fears. That is normal, as some fears are universal. Fear of ending up alone, of being hurt, of the unknown, and of death. Yet while i share some of the common fears, and some more uncommon, i have a fear more particular than some. I am afraid of fear itself.

Allow me to explain myself. If i have learned one thing throughout my life is that fear is the progenitor of hate and weakness. Fear can make us irrational. It can bring out the worst in a person. That makes me afraid, which probably sounds confusing or crazy. I am afraid of fear driving my decisions, steering me out of my ideal path. I am afraid of fear making me hurt those i care about. I am afraid of fear, yet fear has it uses. Only when afraid we can be brave. You see brave is not the person who is not afraid, but one who acts despite of it. 

So even though i have fears, there is a silver lining.

Daydreams.

I am locked inside a room, my room, and yet i am not here. There is music blasting from my computer close by, and it is filling the air with static. The music is fast and aggressive. It beats like a war-drum, yet deep down it is soft and soothing. Adrenaline fills my body as the tempo of the music comes and goes, rises and falls. It speaks to me, tells me of fantastic worlds and amazing realities. It can show me all if i let go, and i do so.

The walls of my room vanish. The world around me fades away as a new world materializes to take its place. I travel through space and time, and through memories. I see moments of my life i thought long buried in my past. I see my future, all its possible paths and branches laid out before me. I can see it all, i understand it all. Now i'm back in my room, and the song has ended. All i saw slowly dissipates from memory. It was never real, except it was.

I dont like the blog's name anymore.

There was a time when "My life as fiction" sounded like the perfect name, the perfect idea for what i wanted to do with this blog, though not anymore. As i keep writing and making posts my ideas change, and with them so does the blog. That is the  crux of the matter. The blog has changed, it is no longer what i once envisioned it to be, and as such the title no longer fits. But that is ok. In its current form the name reminds me of how transitional my own ideas have been.

Throughout my life I've done many things, some more interesting than others. I've played guitar, practiced capoeira, attempted to write songs, made animated videos, gave a shot at game design, and practiced free-running. I've done all these things and many more, yet all for a short time. It always starts the same way. A burning passion to do something new and exciting, followed by weeks of feverish action in some subject of my choosing. Then poof, the excitement is gone just as quickly as it came. I no longer have that desire to do whatever i set out to do, and so i move on to the next thing.

This is who i am, and while i can be at odds with it some times i've come to accept it. The title is no longer what i want, but that says something about me.

Nothing Gold can Stay.

This is another poem i really enjoy by Frost. I like how it talks about nature's ever changing nature, and where its beauty comes from. Nature is eternal when compared to us, yet even it follows a cycle of life and death. As the seasons pass it changes, yet it always remains the same.

Nature's first green is gold,
Her hardest hue to hold.
Her early leaf's a flower;

But only so an hour.
Then leaf subsides to leaf.
So Eden sank to grief,
So dawn goes down to day.
Nothing gold can stay.

Acapella

The list of things that amazes me is definitely not short, and a Capella singing is usually in that list. While the songs usually sung in such a style are generally not my cup of tea i cant deny the amount of talent required to make such arrangements work. I'm particularly impressed when a group uses their voices to create sounds simulating instruments to take their performance to a new level while not breaking the rules of it.

Take Pentatonix for example. These guys are not only really talented  and have amazing voices, but have great harmony between them. Their masterful use of boombox style sounds and other voice effects brings their performance to life in a really cool way.

Duality and Frost.

To just say Frost was a talented poet would be the same as saying Albert Einstein was a smart man. While both statements are true, they simply are too vague and can not make justice of these men. Robert Frost had a way with words, and his poems explored themes of nature and duality. While his poems have an optimistic tone, they don't forget the more dark aspects of nature.

Duality was one of the aspects that interested me more of Frosts poems. Poems like Design, Desert Places, Fire and Ice and Nothing Gold can Stay can seem simple at first sight, but have deeper meaning behind them. There is a contrast between what its written and what he writes about, and this speaks to me.

Fire and Ice.

This is my favorite poem from Robert Frost. Though a very short poem it effectively goes back and forth between two diametrically opposed elements, fire and ice. It uses both of these to talk about the same scenario and it does it perfectly.

Some say the world will end in fire,

Some say in ice.

From what I’ve tasted of desire

I hold with those who favor fire.

But if it had to perish twice,

I think I know enough of hate

To say that for destruction ice

Is also great

And would suffice.